Have Your Own Private Olympics
There’s so many reasons not to bother with the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia this year. Let’s count them, shall we?
1. The virulent anti-homophobia that has gripped Russia courtesy of Vladimir Putin (despite the most watched winter sports being dominated by the gays. I’m not here to out anyone but if a dude has custom ice skates on and and a matching lycra outfit, there’s a pretty safe bet to be placed that he won’t be sidling up to any Playboy parties anytime soon).
2. THERE’S NO HOTEL ROOMS – even for the people (media) who let Russian officials know they’d be coming, oh, A YEAR ago. From USA Today:
A stray dog inside the hotel, building dust everywhere and debris scattered all around. That’s what some Olympic-accredited visitors have found on arrival in the mountains above Sochi.According to the Sochi Olympic organizing committee, only six of the nine media hotels in the mountain area are fully operational. The accommodation for athletes, however, has not been affected by the problems.
3. This lady and all her bomb-happy pals – there are apparently, more than five – who are really, really angry at Putin and have threatened to blow some (read: any) shizz up. Oh yeah – and she made it through security.
4. And let’s not forget the fact that NBC, in an attempt to corral ad dollars into prime time, doesn’t like to run the Olympics live, so by the time you watch the main events they are already on the interwebs and the events the network deems unworthy (like mine and Putins favorite, rhythmic gymnastics) they don’t bother to show at all.
So, my duckies, I present an alternative for you – Chile. In August, all the Olympics skiers train their butts off at Valle Nevado (home of the aforementioned Man Stew) and Portillo ski resorts. Where you can watch Olympians do their things without crowds or bombers… and then party with them later that night.
Specifically, the third week in August. This year, when I went I was surrounded by the Russian, Ukrainian, Brazilian, Italian and Kazhakstani teams. It was heaven. Also, they travel with their own doctors so, if you’re like my pal Julie who banged her knee up, you can get some seriously awesome private medical attention (Special thanks to the Russian Olympic team and their doctor Olga).
This is how it came about: I had been on the bunny slopes all day and to my right were the Russkies doing aerials, to my left were the Brazilians doing the bumps – and naturally videotaped them heck out of them (rather then continue down the slopes only to be dusted by daredevil five years olds flying by and making me feel even more useless). I went to lunch to find Julie freaking out.
“I Don’t have insurance,” She said.
“Hold up, I got this,” I said. I walked over to the Russian team, two tables away.
“YOU GUYS WERE AMAZING!” I said, “Seriously, If I could give you an eleven, I would!”
“You’re friend hurt,” one Russkie hottie said.
“Yep, and she can’t find a doctor.”
“We give you doctor now!” he said.
“Well, If you’re sure….”
“DOCTOR! NOW!”
And Olga materialized. Sigh. Such gentlemen.
For your enjoyment, below is a video of our hero Russkies in action:
Side Note: MAJOR get well wishes to Brazilian Olympic team member Lais Souza, who was expected to compete in freestyle skiing at the Sochi Olympics is unable to move her arms or legs and can’t breathe on her own after she hit a tree while skiing in Utah.
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