Every now and then my pal Gus lets me play dress up and invites me to his amazing Parterre level box at the Metropolitan Opera. Inevitably, I almost always say yes (except for the night after my birthday as it was the night after my birthday and I was too busy self-medicating to get off my couch to take a shower). I leave feeling cultured and superior (to my alter ego, Rhonda who was mentally at home watching Country Music Television and stuffing her face with cheese fries). Last night, while seeing La Boheme, it struck me why The Opera is so addicting.
Behold, a scientific list:
1. It’s glamorous:
2. It’s BEAUTIFUL:
3. The men are hot:
3. The women are divas: [see above]
4. It’s the best place to people watch in NYC, hands down and there are always some well dressed, handsome men in the crowd who have been wrangled into going by their mothers, grandmothers or sugar mamas.
5. the costumes and sets are elaborate:
6. It’s almost always FOUR HOURS long (BYOR: bring your own ritalin) – thereby letting you prove to yourself that the internet has not, in fact, ruined your attention span.
7. It gives you a reason to take a shower, do your hair and dress up for an occasion that doesn’t involve an “I do.”
8. Bragging rights. Nothing says “you’re a klassy lady” like casually dropping, “Saturday? Oh, I just went to the Opera…”
9. It’s pretty formulaic – so, not unlike a country song, you always have the comfort of knowing what is going to happen.
For those not in the know, the formula goes something like this:
1. Man and woman meet. They fall INSTANTLY MADLY in love. [ed note: in modern times this is now what we classify as an ill-advised, psycho move].
2. Man is a jealous freak. [which is contrary to what happens in modern media where women are portrayed as the jealous nutbags – making me think Victorian Era men finally wizened up and realized, “Oh hey – we should start making plays/shows/etc portraying the woman as crazy – all the better to blame them for stuff!].
3. Couple split.
4. Couple get back together for a hot second, profess undying love for one another.
5. One of them dies/ leaves/ says its too late/ something else unfortunate happens.
6. Take a bow.
It’s like a full season of “General Hospital” rolled into one show – with better hair, make up and costumes.